A Destressing Plan
by Serge Kahili King
The following is from a response I gave to someone who needed guidance, and I hope many others will be able to use it as well.
"I would sympathize with your plight, but my sympathy
isn't going to help you. Below is a simple plan that
will get you out of the mess you're in and lead you to
a brighter future. It worked for me, and it has worked
for thousands of others. However, although it is
simple, you may find it extremely difficult. The
stronger your motivation to change your life, though,
the easier it will be. And note that this plan has one
big flaw: it only works if you use it.
Part One - Reduce physical stress.
The Plan: Breathe like a dolphin. Dolphins do not
breathe automatically, every breath has to be
conscious. The best way to breathe consciously is to
put your full attention on something you are holding
in your hands as you breathe. Start with one minute
out of every hour and work up to five, until doing it
frequently is a habit. You may be amazed at how much
physical stress this relieves.
Part Two - Reduce emotional stress.
The Plan: Take responsibility for your stress. No one
else causes you stress. They never have and they never
will. What happens is that someone does something you
don't like and you react by stressing with some
variation of fear or anger, which affects your body
and your mind. Which makes you less healthy and less
effective. As long as you blame others for your stress
you put yourself in an endless trap. Start by taking
responsibility for your reactions, then do something
to change those reactions. If Dynamind seems like too much,
use TFR - think about what upsets you, feel the
reaction, then relax the area of your body where you
feel the reaction. Begin with small things and work up
slowly to the big ones.
Part Three - Reduce mental stress.
The Plan: Change your expectations. Most people create
expectations by remembering negative events from the
past and projecting them into the future, which
produces confusion, discouragement, and despair. The
fact is, the future is wide open and absolutely no one
can predict it with certainty. Nevertheless, another
fact is that if you expect the worst, you will
subconsciously help to bring it about, and if you
expect the best you will subconsciously help to bring
that about. The problem is not that negative
expectations appear; the problem occurs when you dwell
on them and treat them as truth, when all they are is
fantasy. The best solution is to rigorously change
every negative expectation to a positive one as soon
as it appears. The positive expectation is also a
fantasy - a product of your imagination - but it helps
you feel better and helps you prepare for success.
So that's it. Very difficult, I know, but I emphasize
again that it works. If you find a better plan, then
use that, but if you don't do anything, nothing good