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Village Gate

Library Hut


by Mai-Britt Rosendal

Am I paying more attention to what I want or what I don't want?...

I've questioned things for a long time. A Lono activity. I've prided myself with being able to do this. But the gift of "knowledge" comes with a challenge.

As Serge has it in his article "A Different Point of View", there are different kinds of knowledge and knowing. (He slices the pie into: sensing in the everyday use of the term, and sensing emotion-wise. A very helpful distinction for Ku-training and working towards light, I find). But for my purposes I'm going to cut the same pie in a perhaps slightly different manner right now, to highlight my individual perspective on where I went wrong many lifetimes ago, and how I am fixing it. With the help of the third principle.

Two paths to knowledge:
How do we get knowledge? Well to me, basically two kinds of ways. The first one is through perception (physical, emotional or in this case spiritual). You get it in a flash with no in-between-calculations (intuition/revelation). This kind feels very much like getting Truth from a source which is larger than you - call it God or the universe, or shamanically speaking, plugging into the level of being one with everything. In its purest form this is just like noticing that water is wet. Not good or bad, just wet.

You see that Love IS. Not an emotion, but a Certainty. There is no evaluation involved at all. Only knowing, and words have a hard time keeping up at all at this level. Still, as soon as you go back from "being one" to being just you, your perspective will interpret the truth according to your needs, and your perspective is of course limited to being just that: a perspective through which light flows. Another person might break the light of the same source perhaps into a different colour, metaphorically speaking. It would however still be the expression of the same light. The same truth.

The second way is through logic. You "do the math of experience". You count up the facts and let logic do its work. Just, logic only produces according to what you put into the equation in the first place. If your numbers (or premises) are faulty (and they're bound to be imprecise at best) - the result will reflect this - faithfully.

In itself logic is not evaluating either. It's like a computer, it calculates really well, and it doesn't say the number 4 is better than the number 7. Also it doesn't make up the premises - or the numbers.

I don't know this in a logical way, but to me it seems the first sort of knowing came first. I am actually completely certain that I know this, but there is no explanation. First type of knowledge. It just is. Then came logic. It came with an apple, sorry... an alphabet. Alpha, beta gamma delta epsilon. It was neat. We started questioning stuff and learned in new ways. Sometimes, however, we also forgot what was most important. Love, that is.

My Mistake:
The stuff I have questioned the most in my time has been the stuff that has had systems of authority or structures of power to back it. For many lifetimes it has been a gift but also one of my hardest blind spots, to be able to question any status quo to the core. Especially dogma. The stuff that is supported mainly by reasoning such as: "because we usually do it like that" or "Because the guy with the biggest stick for beating up the other guys, says so" ...or even better: "because he said so...generations ago." This may seem trivial unless of course the dogma, the stuff they just did because (no good reason), was to stone people or burn them alive or whatever. And they sure did. (And in the end so did I.)

Being able to see the lies other people tell their fellow beings in order to hold on to power, and the lies their subjects sometimes tell themselves for fear, did not prevent me from time and time again, forgetting the greatest truth of all: The basic simple fact that Love IS.

I never had any problems with the empirical gaining of this information, I was lucky: the trees spoke it in a joyous rush of gratitude, the stones breathed it infinitely slowly and with great weight and the river bubbled and laughed it in pure pleasure. I laughed with the river, I felt the stones' certainty, I lived with, and was myself the trees' gratitude. And then I fell into the trap of letting my focus slide. Logic didn't do it to me, But I used logic to do it, logic with faulty premises that is.

Logic has such clear beauty that if you possess a lot of it you may get the feeling that you're ever so slightly better than the guy who doesn't have it. And once you start thinking "better than" you're halfway down the slippery slope. You may start to use your laser vision discovering faults. In other words I neatly combined logic with pride. Or I lost focus. I knew the Truth. (Universal Love) And I had no problem with the letter of it, but the living-by-it-myself bit I forgot when challenged by the lie of people who rule by fear; who tell their fellow beings that God is separate from them, and to fear God, instead of receiving God's Love which is an integral part of who each and every one of us actually are. I made a simple but profound error of focus. I also got angry. The truth they withheld in order to hold on to power was *so* important that I took the bait. I chose to focus on the lie, on the tyrants' mistake. I focused on the pain it brought. I knew it for what it was, and it still got me.

I guess any guy from Star Wars could tell you that this is the classic way to "join the dark side", and they'd be right. Because almost without noticing I shifted my focus from joy to anger, from love to hate.

I died many an angry and proud martyr's death for the Truth that I had been given as a living gift of love, thereby changing it into a shrine of anger and righteousness - forgetting the living message, remembering only that "I had it!" and "THEY didn't!". Making my thoughts uncompromising, un-creating, un-moving - dead - ultimately the helping hand of their initial great lie. I held on to it so tightly that it had already left my hands. Truths are like that. As is life.

The last bit I did was fight back as a warrior and a shaman. Using power at times without love. Big mistake. Huge one. I'd joined the guys I hated without noticing, and at the same time gone to war against myself. In the end of course I couldn't see my truth anymore, I didn't feel the love of creation because I had closed down a lot of my channels of perception with anger, pain and guilt. Make no mistake, we are talking about living conditions that invited the trap which I fell into, and lots of us fell. But better believe that the abusers of power that I so hated and despised won the round exactly because I and so many others chose to hate their lie instead of loving the actual Truth: That Mother Earth, Father Sun/Moon and Creator love us...infinitely. It is a truth without evaluation, without limits with only certainty. Love IS.

Fixing it:
This time around I am going to remember the enormous power of focus. I know I'll never use power without love again, for whatever reason. And I'll remember my own, and all my fellow beings' enormous potential for creation of reality. I'll remember at every turn of the road my ultimate freedom of choice.

When I listen to stories out there of distress, of rape, abuse, misery, and feelings of being trapped in unhappy situations, feeling unworthy of the happiness that is our birth-right and not recognising it fully because that would unravel the entire yarn that makes up the short-cuts and wrong turns of lifetimes... I will remember my focus. When I get sick because I start using logic without spiritual grounding, arguing with the basic truth that I can trust the universe, that I am always loved, I will remember once more. When I lose hope and feel utterly alone I'll remember that my focus can make or break my day. I'm not saying it is easy. But I think I'm going to decide that from now on it will be. The end of the warrior path has come. And the beginning of the time of the Adventurer is in front of us. That is a choice too after all. I think it is a choice we have made in unison already - the rest is application. Happy adventurer-time... it's going to be a good one. Makia.

palm isle
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